If You Want Your Kids to be Mentally Strong, Stop Saying These 5 Things to Them

Mental strength can get misinterpreted. Sometimes, your positive words about something they did or didn’t do can turn into a toxic message for your children.

Despite your good intentions, words can potentially harm your kids’ mental health in some way. Just like when a father says that he’s proud of his son for being so strong just because he didn’t cry when his grandmother died. Crying is not a sign of weakness. It would take more courage to break down and cry rather than keep it bottled up inside.

Being mentally strong means that you are aware of your emotions and know how to express them healthily—like crying when you feel down. Your words can make a huge impact on your kids. So if you’re not careful, you might say things that would eventually instill unhealthy habits. This could prevent them from developing mental strength, which they need to reach their full potential.

If you’re guilty of saying these five statements to you’re child, then you might need to make simple shifts to your parenting habits.

Ilike/Shutterstock
Mentally strong kids are aware of their emotions and know how to express it healthily.

“Stop crying”

Again, there’s nothing wrong with crying. It’s a healthy way to show emotions. Most adults who find themselves apologizing when they start to tear up were most probably taught at a young age that crying is bad.

However, throwing tantrums is a different story. Parents should try to correct the inappropriate behavior by explaining to their kids that disturbing other people is not okay. Remember to adjust the action, not the emotion.

“Calm down”

When parents tell their kids to calm down, it’s mostly out of their frustration because they want them to stop. Most of the time, it’s not creating a sense of peace.

This may be annoying for most parents, but think of it as your child’s way of telling you that they’re upset. Instead of telling them to calm down, teach them what they can do to get a grip on things. You want them to know what to do whenever you’re not present.

“It’s no big deal”

If your child is worried about an upcoming recital or concerned about a friend who they think is upset with them, don’t discredit their concerns by saying that it’s not a big deal. It’s a big deal for them.

What they’re trying to tell you is that they want you to help them deal with these emotions. Instead of insisting that they should not be concerned, teach them skills to cope with the distress.

“Everything will work out fine”

As a parent, you would want to constantly reassure your kids that things are okay, and nothing bad will happen to them. However, it’s not all the time that everything is okay.

You have to accept the fact that you can’t protect your kids from all the hardships and tragedies. They have to face them on their own because that’s one way for them to learn. Just make sure that you teach them the necessary coping skills.

altanaka/Shutterstock
Teach your kids how to cope with distress and not just discredit their emotion.

“You’re the smartest kid in the whole school”

Exaggerated praises can do more harm than good. You would want to keep your praises genuine. Focus more on the effort they did to achieve their accomplishment instead of the results. This way, they’ll know that you value their effort regardless of the outcome.

If you only praise your kids when they achieved something, they may feel like they have to win at all costs even if it means that they have to cheat or hurt other people. They may also think that they are only worthy of praise when they excel, so they won’t bother trying out something that they could potentially fail.