Are You Hurting Your Partner’s Self-Esteem by Oversharing in a Relationship?

We often hear how communication is the key for a relationship to work. Both partners must be transparent with each other and be honest about what they feel.

As much as possible, we want to share every little thing with our partner to keep the level of trust in our relationship.

But how much is too much? According to relationship coaches, most partners mix up the idea of honest and genuine with oversharing. Sometimes, oversharing can lead to hurting your partner or worse, shrinking his or her self-esteem.

That Awkward Moment

The renowned relationship coach Lynda Carroll shared an example of an awkward encounter she had with a couple. She asked them to share how the two of them met.

The man jumped in and answered how it wasn’t love at first sight for them. He didn’t find his partner quite attractive at first. He also shared how his roommate didn’t believe how he was dating someone with ordinary looks.

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According to Lynda, the situation above was an example of oversharing, and it could actually end up hurting your partner and made him or her question of their worth.

Not bothered about his partner’s embarrassment, he continued on saying how her being funny, smart, and having an inner beauty made up for “it”.

The “it” phrases hung in the deafening silence inside the room. He finished off his conversation by saying he was just being honest. To avoid having this awkward moment with your partner and be in an oversharing relationship, she gave the following tips to fix this complicated relationship issue.

Respect Each Other’s Privacy

Despite being a couple, each partner should establish a clear line of boundary to each other. This may involve your thoughts, ideas, situations, and past experiences.

For example, you may want to have some alone time every Saturday to bond with your friends or families, your partner should be understanding enough to respect and understand that. Another example is if you don’t want to share your ATM’s passwords or financial information with your partner. You need to respect their privacy to keep some confidential information to themselves.

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According to Lynda, the difference between secrecy and privacy is that the latter means keeping some information that doesn’t directly involve your partner to yourself.

As long as you know your partner is doing fine, they’re loyal to you and are fulfilling their responsibilities dutifully, then there’s no harm in a little privacy.

However, Lynda warns privacy is different from secrecy. Secrecy is the act of hiding something intentionally or misleading your partner in fear of judgment or reprisal. For example, cheating is a form of secrecy, not privacy. Not only does it directly involve your partner, but it can also affect their physical, spiritual, financial, and emotional well-being.

Accept Your Differences.

To differentiate between privacy and secrecy, you must be willing to communicate with your partner to know them better. For example, if your partner sometimes loves doing things all alone like playing games, reading, or writing, then you should respect their alone time to spend on their hobbies, or attending a craft session with friends. This is considered a privacy and not secrecy.

Otherwise, you’ll end up distrusting your partner and be possessive and in control of his or her time. This level of mistrust can become the source of conflict and trouble. Likewise, you should respect if your partner loves hanging out with their friends every Friday and should not think ill of it.

Privacy Also Has Its Boundaries

If it directly involves hurting them, then it’s recommended to be truthful to it (as long as it does affect them directly). If not, then better to hold the information yourself.

For example, not paying the bills, borrowing their money without their consent, or going into financial debt. Not only do you disrespect your partner by not telling the truth, but you’re also not respecting their hard work in working for the money to pay your bills, or in borrowing their hard-earned money.

Meanwhile, your partner doesn’t need to know the great times and memories you had with your past lovers. Sure, some partners may be understanding enough to learn about your past, but you don’t need to share the intimate ones which might hurt their feelings or worse, might question whether you still have feelings for your old flame or if you genuinely love your current partner.