Look, you might not know that you are doing it, but being passive-aggressive towards your partner is a hideous thing to do. Therefore, if you are not sure about your (or your partner’s) behavior, take a quick look at this article and see if something should be changed as soon as possible.

One thing is certain: nobody likes spending time with a person who is passive-aggressive all the time. Behaving that way in a relationship can frustrate someone beyond reason. It also sends mixed signals about your own feelings.

Let’s be fair now; this behavior is basically just a form of emotional abuse, and no one should be subjected to it. For those who actually want to be good partners and have their relationship doing well, we have made a short list of things you should never do to your partner (or take from him/her).

Giving them the “cold shoulder” treatment

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Being dismissive in this way to someone you’ve chosen to have in your life and claim to love is a horrible thing to do. First of all, it does not do anything to remedy the issue that got you angry with them, and secondly, it creates resentment towards you. The only thing you are actually doing here is making the person feel powerless and unloved. Consider acting like an adult and talking to them about the problem. And, if you do not feel that the problem can be worked through by heart-to-heart conversation, it is probably time for a break-up.

Making snarky comments when they do something

Many emotional bullies will do this to their partners as they want to keep them down as much as possible. This is an effective way of doing it, but it is a horrible thing to do. If you ever find yourself saying ‘Thanks for taking out the trash, for once’ or ‘Good job on passing that exam, after ten tries’, you are just trying to shame them and make them feel inadequate for no good reason. There is no place for this in a functional relationship. If you are unable to simply say ‘thanks’ or ‘congratulations’ you should make a pause and do some soul-searching because you are not a good person.

Destroying their dreams

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Another thing that is a staple in a relationship with an emotional bully is crushing the dreams of a partner. If they come to you excited about a goal they have in mind, and they want to try their hardest to achieve it, do not put them down. It’s ok if you decide to point out difficulties, but do that in a way that offers the option of overcoming them. Passive-aggressive people choose to put their partners down and control their ambitions by setting themselves as another obstacle when they should be trying to be pillars of support.

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Backhanded compliments

Just do not do this. It is a rude thing to do as it does nothing but hurt the person you claim to love. An example of this would be ‘Good job, I did not expect you to make it,’ ‘wow, you look a lot better in that,’ ‘you are very smart, for a woman/man’ etc. This is just an insult in the form of a compliment. Does it threaten you that much if you let them feel good about themselves for a moment? Just be supportive and give a compliment without hooks in it.

Making them feel inept

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As you have noticed, the big focus of this effort is trying NOT to make your partner feel bad about himself/herself. This is probably the worst thing you could do. If you are in a single-income household and you say ‘If only YOU made more money, we could afford this trip to the Bahamas,’ you are not only making them feel bad but also passing the blame for your own life choices onto someone else and making them feel horrible. Another common version is for those whose partners do make enough money ‘if you ever took some time off from work to spend with your family, your kid would not get into trouble.’

This type of bullying is usually done by those who are trying to mask their own insecurities and making others feel bad about themselves so that the bully can feel superior to them.

As we said, being passive-aggressive, simply put, equals to being emotionally abusive. If you haven’t gotten it by now, it is not a good thing. However, the big problem in this is that a lot of those who do these things do not realize it. So, now take a look at this article and try to recognize if you’ve ever done these things to your partner. If you have, put in a conscious effort not to repeat it ever again!